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You might be with your spouse and thinking it’s going great only to suddenly realize your marriage is not as great as you thought it was. Some might call this “realizing the honeymoon is over”, or just being in complete shock thinking “I thought everything was fine in our relationship…what the heck happened?” However, there are some basic ways to self-diagnose it might be time to consider finding support for you and your loved one in order to develop a life-long and lasting relationship.

1. Symptoms

There are common symptoms that a relationship is in serious trouble such as always fighting verbally, fighting physically, withholding intimacy. This is the couple that walks into a room and everyone politely finds another place to sit because it’s a matter of when, not if, they will get into a domestic dispute.

Some of the common signs that love in your relationship could be in danger are: 

·       Not feeling heard or feeling alone, even though you’re married.

·       When you do argue or disagree with each other it’s like you’re in the same dance over and over again.

·       Your personal past is getting in the way of you having a fantastic relationship.

·       Your thoughts go to the dark side, and you find yourself thinking negatively about your partner.

·       You avoid the tough conversations such as finances, children, what your partner whishes you would change or do.

2. Know the “Season” of your relationship

If you live in Calgary you totally understand and can relate to the natural seasons of Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter. Even healthy relationships can be like seasons. New found love (spring), Deep passionate romance (summer). If you don’t recognize the season you and your partner are in you could be trying to relate to each other in minus 40 degree weather wearing Bermuda shorts. The good news is even in cold weather relational seasons couples can develop what I like to call “Hot Chocolate” moments to sweeten the bitterest of cold days.

3. Follow your gut

You might have experienced being in a relationship that you thought was going great and then WHAM you’re in the dog house, or the dreaded scenarios of “by the ways, I’ve slept with someone” or “This marriage is over.” If you have a gut feeling something just doesn’t “feel” right in your marriage, follow your instinct and seek support.

4. There is always Hope

If you’ve recognized that you fit one of the scenarios mentioned then please know there is hope and in fact, you and your partner have a fantastic opportunity to deal with your relationship challenges ahead of time before whatever is festering in your heart turns to separation or divorce. If you have recognized that you’re in the “Uh Oh” Zone, there is still hope, however, I encourage couples at this point to seek out a therapist that both of you can work out your challenges together, find healing and new life.