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It can be super challenging if you realize your marriage or relationship is in crisis to not feel hopeless. Let’s look at some simple ways you can begin changing your feelings of hopelessness to having feelings of hope.

Why are you feeling the way you do?

Since you are already feeling down it’s important to recognize and acknowledge your feelings of hopelessness, however, there could be something deeper stirring inside of you. It might seem obvious that your feeling down because of whatever your going through in your relationship, however, it’s also important to begin breaking down the ‘why’ you are feeling hopeless. Is it because of the that last argument you had driving home on Stoney Trail, or could it be a deeper reason such not feeling heard once again? Often times our emotions get in the way of digging deeper to what is really happening in our hearts and if all we do is focus on our surface emotions, we’ll never begin getting to the root of the heart issues that need healing.

What are you speaking?

In your current state of feeling hopeless begin to be aware of what you are saying out loud. Are you reinforcing your emotions by simply speaking out (or thinking constantly) “My marriage is soooooo hopeless.” If so, now is a great time to stop the negative statements you might be saying or thinking and change what you are saying to positive statements such as “I know right now it feels like our marriage is hopeless, however, We’ve been together for over 10 years and it’s worth it to fight for our relationship  and make things better.” If your struggling to change your negative statements to something more positive then consider just not saying anything at all to not regret saying something out loud you might regret having someone overhear like your spouse or child.     

When do you seek out sources of comfort?

Often times when feeling alone or isolated in pain or hopelessness you might find yourself in a situation where you are seeking quick fix solutions to your pain. When you seek items such as food, television, internet, isolation, alcohol, drugs; you can find yourself in an even deeper place of hopelessness plus increasing your guilt and shame. Begin recognizing your personal patterns of seeking comfort you can begin looking for healthy alternatives.

Where do you take time for yourself?

Hopelessness can be a very dark and super sad emotion which means it’s important to take some personal quality time for yourself. Notice I did not say Quantity time because life is so busy for everyone these days, however, even taking 5 minutes to do some quality deep breathing can help clear out your negative emotions and allow yourself to be able to think more clearly.  

Who are you going to for support?

When feelings of hopelessness set in, it’s very important to surround yourself with healthy, supportive and caring family, friends and community resources. Getting in touch with that parent, sibling, counsellor, favourite aunt, best friend, mentor, etc, can really help to take you from a place of despair and find hope in your situation. It can be a great support when you come across families or couples in the Calgary community that have come though great relational challenges or trauma and demonstrate success as a thriving and loving couple.

There is always hope for a NEW LIFE.