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Counsellors Calgary often indicate how different various clients; couples and families can be in personality and style. My guess is you are very aware of your own family or co-workers and how drastically some are very different than others…Good or Bad.

Sometimes it’s good to have a general recognition if someone is an extrovert or introvert. It really doesn’t matter to me if someone is introvert or extrovert. What matters to me is if I can gain insight to what a person’s general personality is like it then helps in areas such as communication and collaboration. Learning about the 2 styles also can support in self-awareness of who we are and help bring understanding to reasons we do what we do.  

Let’s break down some basic definitions as to what Introverts and extroverts are:

Extroverts: Tend to be more outgoing in nature and gain their strength (or recharge their batteries) by being with people.

Introverts: Tend to be more introspective in nature and gain their strength (or recharge their batteries) by being by themselves.

The basic definitions just given, is in my opinion, as simple as that. However, in application One of the ways I like to look at extroverts and introverts is through the lens of a spectrum. In other words, just because you’re an extrovert, doesn’t mean you are some wild party animal, and must always be around people (I like to call these individuals raging extraverts). On the other hand, I have personally known individuals in my personal life who when you talk to a partner or family member they swear when no one is around, they talk like a chatter box and yet when I hang out with the individual it’s like pulling teeth to get a conversation going. And/or this individual can always be found in their room hibernating and not wanting to socialize at all (not to be confused with social anxiety, although that can be a part of it.). I call these individuals raging introverts.

Somewhere in the middle, if we begin to look at introverts and extraverts in a spectrum; this is where a more recent definition has come into being known as Ambivert.

Ambivert: Tend to be either introvert or extravert, however more in the center of the spectrum.

Introvert/Ambivert: Tend to be introverted, however, occasionally jump over into the extrovert spectrum and enjoy being with people and can be in large groups of people for about an hour or two, however, eventually need to healthily isolate in order to recharge their batteries.  

Extravert/Ambivert: Tend to be extroverted, however gain strength by being in smaller groups of people, rather than large groups of people. Occasionally jump over into the introvert spectrum and are able to slow down and spend healthy isolation with themselves, such as going for a walk-in nature, however, will always accept quality company when available.

A movie I like to use as an example for this topic, for fun, in looking at the differences in Extroverts and Introverts is the Tom Hanks movie Castaway. I often wonder if Tom Hanks character was possibly an extrovert due to how quickly loneliness set in, only to end up creating his companion volleyball character named Wilson. To be fair to the extraverts, it could have been the other way around. I mean he did have access to coconuts so if he was an extravert would he not have had Wilson and a bunch of coconut characters to be his surrogate family during his time of isolation.

One of the arguments I like to have fun with is that if he was an introvert, he might have actually enjoyed the time away from humanity. Not saying Tom Hanks wouldn’t have gone a little bit loopy eventually, however, many introverts are quite fine not being around large amounts of people.

I did find it interesting during the pandemic how in the first 2 months it did appear to myself that many possible extraverts indicated they required counselling due to not having any connection with anyone. Around 6 months later is when I started to have inquires for counselling from possible introverts.

You see, we are all wired for connection, however, not everyone needs to be around everyone all the time, however, we ALL need to have healthy and meaningful connections with people. For some that means being in crowds of 100 for others it’s having 2 to 3 solid and reliable friends that you connect with on a regular basis.    

If you are finding your extraversion or introversion is getting in the way of your personal relationships, or in the workplace, it might be time to seek out a qualified counselling therapist who can support you in navigating through the differences of possible personality conflicts and allow yourself to walk in relational New Life.