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When supporting Couples Counselling Calgary in relationship counselling, I like to sometimes instruct on a very unique and sometimes unknown ancient word called love. What’s interesting about the word love, is the ancient Greeks actually had 4 definitions of the word love. I find this very fascinating, because it’s a good example of how a single influential word can lose it’s meaning over the ages and so when we say I love you it actually has significant differences in it’s meanings and context being used in.

Let’s take a closer look at the 4 Greek words of Love.

The first Greek word of love is called Eros. Today, Eros is translated to what is known as ‘erotic.’ Now erotic love is important to discuss because too often in today’s society we use the words “I love you” when in fact we are really saying “I lust you.” Now I have nothing against someone having a passionate relationship, however, it’s important to know that eros love is meant to be a temporary love that does not last. Kind of similar to what happens in relationships that start off with sex first, and maybe decide later on to be friends.

The challenge with not being (as the old saying goes) friends first, lovers second; is that relationships solely based on eros just don’t last and if you’re someone who wants a long-term lasting love, then I would encourage you to not completely base your significant relationship on just this kind of love that often demonstrates itself as being selfish and not other centered.

The second Greek work of love is called Storge. Today, Storge love is translated to be called “Family Love.” Ah family love. Without this kind of love, we’d have no families and no thick Italian/Scillian mob movies to remind us the importance of family. Storge love is the kind of love that no matter how much you drive me crazy, your still part of my family and I’ll continue to love you because you are part of my family, you are my family and I’ll see you again this Christmas at dinner time.

The third type of love is called Phileo Love. This is what I like to call BFF love. In other words, it’s a brotherly/best friends kind of love. Back in the ancient Greek days there are stories of when a couple would become married, they would cut around the ring finger area and join hands. Once healed, would leave a ring around the fingers of the couple signifying a covenant relationship between the couple. Today, of course, rings are commonly used, however, tattooed rings are sometimes used.

Another example of Phileo BFF love is the traditional blood brothers’ concept where two close friends would signify, they have each other’s back by slicing into there hand and joining hands allowing the blood to flow into each other representing “we are now blood brothers”…kind of like combining friendship and turning it into a family covenant. However, the difference being if you backstab your brother, you pretty much had to run away and hide forever or face the consequences of death.

One of the themes you may have noticed regarding the first three types of Greek Love is that they are all conditional to the situation. Eros = Self Love, Storge = I love you if you’re part of the family, Phileo Love = I love you because you’re my friend, however, the moment you don’t have my back you’re no longer my friend.

All of these types of Love are conditional, however, there is one final love that is my personal favorite because it doesn’t have conditions and is other-centered.

The 4^th Greek word for Love is called AGAPE love. The Love known as Agape love is an unconditional, I fully love you, and accept you for all of who you are, including the good, the bad and ugly parts of your soul that lies within each and every one of us. Agape love is other-centered and works very well when a relationship is in a place struggling to stay together. Agape love takes no record of wrong and does not hold grudges when someone else, like your partner, or family member does something to harm you…whether it was intentional or not.

When relationships are going south, it’s important to remember Agape Love, because quite often we need to remember that without Agape unconditional Love, we might be too quick to judge without looking at our own wrongdoings. When we walk in Agape love, we are able to unconditionally accept our partner and all of the flaws that both myself and my partner have. This can help bring healing into a relationship by unconditionally choosing to accept all of my partners flaws and focus on simply working on improving myself as an individual and not blame or shame my other partner. In other words, when I blame and shame my partner, I am not walking in Agape (unconditional acceptance of my partner.) Love.

If you are in a relationship that is appearing to be very self-centered by either party, and you desire to walk in an other-centered relationship, it might be time to seek out a qualified Clinical Counsellor and/or Psychotherapist and learn some new skills and strategies on how to apply Agape love in your relationship and be other-centered walking in New Life.