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I often wonder how many couples are familiar with the scenario of one partner talking to the other partner and the partner says “ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME” and the other partners response is “UHHHHHHHH…oh crap.” If this or similar scenarios resonate with you then read on about how to listen to your partner.

Let’s take a look at how to listen to your partner using a communication strategy known as “Active Listening”.

How To Listen to Your Partner | Marriage Counselling Calgary Tip #1

Shut Up (I mean Pleasantly be silent). No seriously, If you have a problem listening to your partner then you have to sometimes tell yourself to mentally and verbally to shut up (pleasantly be silent). This way your partner has space to talk to you without you interrupting them. On a side note, just be careful that you’re telling yourself quietly or in your mind to shut up or your partner might be thinking you’re telling them to shut up and I think you already know how that’s going to end up.

How To Listen to Your Partner | Marriage Counselling Calgary Tip #2 Stop Having a Counter Argument/Statement.

I remember this annoying, er, I mean interesting roommate I had years and years ago who argued about everything and I realized when my roommate was talking, I was thinking of the counter argument or a statement to either silence the argument or stump my roommate. My roommate realized I wasn’t really listening to them and told me I wasn’t actively listening. I had no idea what he was talking about and so once I researched active listening, is when my journey into working on being a great communicator began. You see, when you’re thinking of what to say next, when a friend or loved, one is talking to you, you really are not actively listening. You’re actually passively listening which means your not really listening which sends the signal you really don’t care about the other person. If you care about the other person you are listening to then actually listen to them.

How To Listen To Your Partner | Marriage Counselling Calgary Tip #3 Practice Simple Reflection

I love simple reflection because it’s simple. Even in some heated arguments a person can repeat what the other person said, even if you disagree with them, so the other person at least knows you heard what they said. This sends out a message of even if I don’t agree with you I still care for you. This strategy also deals with the counter argument of “Hey, aren’t you listening to me?”

How To Listen To Your Partner | Marriage Counselling Calgary Tip #4 Use Eye Contact

Eye contact is really important. The more eye contact utilized, the more I am paying attention to the person speaking. The less eye contact, the easier it is to miss what is being said.

Put all 4 tips together and you are well on your way to demonstrating active listening and letting your partner know you care for them and are actually listening to what is being said…even if you don’t necessarily like what is being said or how it is being said.  

Active listening is a great way to apply strategies on becoming better on how to listen to your partner. If you are still struggling in applying active listening skills, or realize that more challenges might be in your marriage, it may be time to seek out a qualified counselling therapist, clinical counsellor, or psychotherapist and begin to walk in New Life.

it may be time to seek out a qualified counselling therapist, clinical counsellor, or psychotherapist and begin to walk in New Life.