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Emotional Abuse can be a very difficult, scary, confusing, and even dangerous situation that many partners encounter when dealing with intimate partner abuse (traditionally called domestic violence).

Intimate partner abuse is when one or both of the partners are potentially abusing the other partner emotionally, physically, mentally, and even sexually. One or all 4 types of abuse can be present in a relationship and can sometimes be difficult to recognize when in the middle of a relationship where you don’t see or realize abuse is occurring.

This particular blog will deal with the area of emotional abuse and how to recognize signs your partner might be emotionally abusing you.

1. Being put down a.k.a. Criticism. This is when your partner puts you down to the point you feel worthless and anything you do, such as achieving something fantastic is put down which lowers your self-worth.
2. Loss of Freedom a.k.a. Total Control. This is where your partner is the one who decides what you wear, where you go, who you are allowed to see, and when you can do something, let alone anything you choose or decide you want to do.
3. Gaslighting a.k.a. Manipulation. Gas lighting is when the partner attempts to control a situation by manipulation in order to control your decisions. This can be especially scary when the partner enjoys doing this to the other partner (pouring the gas on you) and then sets you on fire enjoying the outcome of your reactive behavior.
4. Stuck on an Island a.k.a Isolation. Emotional abusers attempt to control a partner by keeping them from any family, friends, or any safety network that provides connection and safety for your own personal well-being.
5. The Blame Game a.k.a. Blaming. Any time someone blames you there 3 fingers pointing back at the individual. Blaming often has a root in the individual finger-pointing, and not taking personal responsibility and accountability for their own actions…even if the other person being blamed is to be blamed for something they did.
6. Added Control Measures a.k.a. Jealousy. When a person displays jealousy it can lead to further forms of control that can lead to monitoring (always seeing where you are located on your phone) accusations of sleeping with someone else possessive “you are mine” attitudes.
7. Dismissal a.k.a. emotional neglect. Neglect is not abuse; however, ongoing neglect can lead to abusive behaviours. When a partner neglects another partner emotionally it can feel like your feelings are not being validated and completely dismissed. You are just made to feel small.
8. Lack of Safety a.k.a. Intimidation and Threatening behaviour. When a partner begins to be intimidating (puffing their peacock feathers) or uses words that make you very scared to make any kind of decision (threats); this is another control tactic that makes a person feel not safe and not protected.
9. Badmouthing a.k.a. Humiliation. Healthy partners are to honor and trust each other and this does not happen when one or both partners say and do things on purpose in front of other people to create embarrassing situations and lowering your right to be human and be treated with respect causing further low self-esteem.
10. Walking on Eggshells a.k.a. Mood Swings. Emotionally abused partners sometimes describe their life like they are walking on eggshells and one small crack of the eggshell will create tantrum-like behavior from the partner causing the other partner to avoid this type of conflict at any cost so they don’t have to deal with the partner’s unhealthy anger.
11. The Power of Money a.k.a. Financial Control: An emotionally abusive partner will often dominate the family finances which causes the other person to be further controlled, manipulated, and have to solely rely on the partner causing unhealthy dependence on the person controlling the money.

Emotional abuse can be very difficult to navigate through and to deal with. Even just one of the negative behaviors can be enough to cause serious difficulty in a relationship. If you recognize you may be dealing with some signs your partner is emotionally abusing you, it may be time to seek out a qualified counselling therapist, clinical counsellor, or psychotherapist and begin to walk in New Life.