Blog

When working with a couple in Marriage Counselling Calgary It’s not a matter of if, but, when, I have a discussion on Intimacy 101 because many couples enter relationships for many different reasons. Some meet, become friends and decide to become a couple. Other relationships meet, become an instant couple and have a very passionate relationship only to later on realize they need to work on their friendship due to there being no substance other than sex in the relationship.

Either way, intimacy can be neglected and forgotten about once the flames of passion begin to burn out (the honeymoon is over stage). This is when I’ll hear statements such as “I don’t know if I’m in love anymore”, or “we have nothing in common,” or “It was amazing sex at first and now…not so much.”

All of the previous statements are sometimes indicators that intimacy may not be developing in the relationship.

One of the ways I like to describe developing intimacy is utilizing the old-fashioned saying that “Sex begins in the Kitchen.” Using that metaphorical image, I’m always reminded of the book called “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.” I think if I were to write a relationship book one day, I might need to call it “Men are Microwaves and Women are Ovens.”

You see, in general when it comes to intimacy, the average guy needs about 30 seconds to 1 minute and BING, there popping like popcorn and ready for some passionate relationship building….In other words, sex.

On the other side of the spectrum is the average woman who tends to be more like an oven.

(Okay, before I offend anyone, I am simply talking in metaphors so hopefully you keep reading on.)

You see, the average woman in the act of love is not always as microwavable as a guy is. With oven food, you need to pre-warm the oven. While the oven is warming up you need to prepare the food first and both of these activities takes time. Ovens just do not heat up as quickly as a microwave. Now just because the oven is warmed up and the food is prepared doesn’t mean you dig in and enjoy the meal. NO! You now have to put the prepared food in the oven and let it cook. Once cooked, you often have to let the food cool down a bit and then viola, you have an amazing meal ready to dig in and eat.

Not only, in the natural, has oven prepared food proven to be healthier than microwave food; in relationships; building intimacy holds true as well. The more time we take to build, prepare and heat up our intimacy with our partner, the more of a fulfilling relationship we will have with our partner.

I’m not saying that it’s nice to occasionally have a quick microwave meal. Just be warned, that if all you do is have microwave meals, your health, just like your significant relationship is going to suffer as well.

If you are someone who would like to learn healthier skills in developing your intimacy with your partner, it might be time to seek out a qualified psychotherapist/clinical counsellor, and learn strategies on how to cook up a savory meal that leaves you full and satisfied; Not empty and longing for something more. Take the next step and contact New Life Counselling today and begin to learn how to metaphorically cook and walk in New Life.