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Having children is a natural part of a relationship based on love. However, having children out of love and staying in love once you’ve had children can be a completely different level of challenge. Keeping the Love alive when you have children is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship. Let’s take a look at 5 ways in which you can keep your relationship growing when you have children.

Couples Counselling Calgary Tip #1: Recognize having children can be tough some days.

I remember when I had my first child, and suddenly, everyone with their “expertise” in parenting began saying how I should parent my child, so I politely listened and, through the years, filtered out what was good advice and not-so-good advice. Now, one parent in particular that I respected and who had amazing children simply came up to me and indicated, “Now, I’m sure everyone is telling you how to parent, and I don’t want to be that person, however, I’m wondering if I can share one tip that helped me at the beginning stages of parenting? Now, I just loved the way this parent approached me, so my partner and I absolutely said yes, please. And all they said was “Babies Cry.”

Now, I didn’t quite get what they were talking about; however, soon after, I quickly got this simple yet profound advice: Babies Cry.

You see, just recognizing that babies cry and teens get super emotional, etc etc, helped me to realize that having children can be really tough to deal with on some days, which helped me to prepare for the possible next day when my child may have their next bad day.

Couples Counselling Calgary Tip #2: Listen to your children to create more time.

One of the biggest complaints I get from parents is that they don’t have enough personal time or time with their partner. One of the easiest ways to create more time is to stop what you are doing and listen to your child talk.

All your child wants to know is that they are safe and secure. When they feel heard, they feel more secure and can confidently go out and explore their surroundings. When we don’t take time to listen, it can become like bad multitasking that feels like it’s working; however, everyone watching us knows it’s not working. Just listen fully to your child, and it will give you more time to decide what to do with your personal time.

Couples Counselling Calgary Tip #3: Do things with your partner you may not always want to do.

Relationships are about give and take. Not about how much can I take take take. If a relationship is working towards being what I like to call other-centered, a great way to demonstrate this is by doing something you may not like that your partner loves to do. However, be mindful that this a 2-way street, so make sure you are both in agreement on doing this, or else you might do something with your partner you don’t like and end up resenting your partner because they refuse to do something with you, they don’t want to do with you leaving you feeling possibly rejected and with hurt feelings.

Couples Counselling Calgary Tip #4 Find a Babysitter.

Whether it’s family, friends, or a teenager looking to make some extra cash, finding a babysitter is well worth the search and investment in your marriage. Finding a babysitter simply allows you to have no excuse not to do something together without the children, so you can focus on developing your relationship NOW and not years later when the children move out, and it might be too late. In other words, having a babysitter allows you to cultivate your relationship with your partner at all parental stages until they are old enough to look after themselves.

Couples Counselling Calgary Tip #5: Keep Your Partner a Priority

Now, what I’m about to say next might cause some offence; however, what I’m about to share might be a key to saving your marriage if it’s in crisis.

You see when you don’t have children, you can focus your love on each other; however, when children come along, it divides that time for cultivating love because the child also needs to be loved. I’m not saying stop loving your child; however, what I’m suggesting is considering having your partner as the first priority in the relationship and then the children. Yes, there are seasons, such as when nursing a baby when more attention will be placed on the child; however, if all a parent does is solely focus on the child and forgets to cultivate the partner that helped bring this child in this world it can create insecurity in the relationship which will often in turn be projected in developing insecure children….and no parent wants that.

In other words, the more secure the primary relationship (the couple) is, the more secure your family and children will be.

Having children can be very rewarding; however, it can create strain in even the best relationships. If you are finding the strain of having children is beginning to get in the way of your relationships, it might be time to consider Couples Counselling Calgary and find a qualified counselling therapist. Call 403-690-8617 for your complimentary 15-minute consult and begin to have your relationship walk in New Life.