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Communication is a never-ending learning curve that when practiced can make a relationship flourish and when difficult times hit a relationship, great communication skills can be a supporting structure upon which healing and repair can help support a negative argument go from disaster to finding hope for the future together.

One of the communication strategies I like to instruct on is on the topic of Open vs. Closed Communication.

Open vs. Closed Communication is really more of a state of intentional awareness than it is a specific talking technique. However, there are some basic ways to speak to your partner that can create a healthy flow of communication  

Closed Communication: You know closed communication is happening when the arms go folded and the eyes of your partner begin looking the other way avoiding all eye contact.

Closed Communication is simply that….it’s closed, with no room to discuss, debate, listen, consider another viewpoint. If you haven’t guessed by now, this is definitely not considered a healthy communication strategy, however, we often do it to our loved ones so often when we get really upset. Closed communication stops the flow of healthy conversation.

Open Communication: Open communication strategies help keep conversations flowing and going in a positive direction, even when the topic might be difficult to discuss. Open ended communication, done properly, also allows both yourself and the other individual to feel heard and validated which also supports ongoing discussion and positive relational growth.

How to Maintain Open Communication:

1. Beware adrenaline: When we get upset adrenaline shuts our cognitive brain power and we tend to either want to avoid (flight) or intensely confront the situation (fight).
2. Use “I Messages”: What words are being spoken that are causing the other person to shut down or tell you to shut up. Instead use the word “I” to communicate. i.e. “I feel hurt by what I’m hearing, however, I’m willing to work on a solution.”
3. Breathe deeply: Breathing is essential to staying calm and self-regulating our nervous system.
4. Look through your partners eyes: Pretend for a moment you are listening to yourself through your partners eyes. What and how are you hearing yourself speak to your partner…or in this case to yourself.
5. Look into your partners eyes: Maintain eye contact so your partner knows you are paying attention and are available emotionally, physically and mentally.
6. Keep an open body posture: Keep arms and legs in an open and inviting position. Be aware of what your body might be saying without any words being spoken such as having your hands in a fist position saying “my fists are closed and I’m ready to fight”; rather have open hands facing palm up and saying “I care and I’m willing to listen and hear your side of the story.”

Open communication is just one of many strategies that can be very effective to support you and your relationships to stay open and not closed when building a relationship with each other. If you are finding your relationship is more closed than open it might be time to consider couples counselling Calgary and connect with a qualified clinical counsellor for couples or family counselling and begin to communicate New Life.