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There were recent violent events that single-slap-handedly shocked the public. Now if you have no clue what I’m talking about; just head on over to your favorite social media site and type in “Slap” then come back and finish this article. For those of you who know what I’m writing about, this incident appeared to be a combination of a battle of Wills and a Rock between a hard place.

Now I’m not going to get into who’s right or wrong and who needs to apologize, however, it appears as though certain apologies have either, been made, not been made, or not felt genuine in approach when given. Either way, offence can suddenly come upon us and before you know it, we either say something we probably shouldn’t have, or someone becomes angry at us that catches us off guard and hurts us.

When we are hurt, or hurt someone, whether it was intentional or an accident, we need to look at a few tips in how to apologize and actually mean it. Otherwise, things might actually get even worse and that’s never a good thing.

Here are some Tips on how to apologize and actually mean it.

1. Find the Kernel of Truth: Analyze Your Part and recognize your part in the Matter. Even if your part of the offense was small like a kernel of popcorn, our actions can cause pain when others bite on the kernel…ouch…or I guess in this case “slap.”
2. Take Responsibility: Even if our part in offence was small, like a kernel, we still need to take responsibility for our actions.
3. Beware the Double Negative: Some apologies or statements completely fail because the words used create a double negative. A double negative is saying something positive and then turning around and saying something negative. For example, “Wow, I’m so glad you’re taking responsibility for your actions; that’s so much better than last week when you did nothing.”
4. No Blaming Allowed: This is really just a re-look at focusing on taking responsibility for our part and making sure in our apology we focus on what we did, or what were sorry about and instead choose to deflect our actions and blame someone else or the other individual were trying to apologize to.
5. Apologize IN-PERSON: If you’re not apologizing in person, then don’t bother apologizing and take responsibility that you really don’t care enough about the person. In-Person counts, Over the Phone sort of counts and texting or social media apologies never ever ever ever…did I mention ever, counts.
6. Be Sincere: If you don’t mean it when you apologize then good luck with your apology. It’s better to admit you are not in a good head space to deal with a negative situation than it is to come up with some half-baked manipulative apology that just plain says “I don’t care.” Many people recognize and can see through when something is made up or not spoken in sincerity.
7. Be aware of timing: I’m just going to write out something that may or may not be agreed upon. If you apologize and ignore the previous steps, your timing on the matter might appear insincere and fake, even if you meant the apology from the bottom of your heart. However, yes, the best time to apologize is “NOW” not later, unless it’s a safety issue and someone needs to calm down then allow that other person space until they are calm enough to listen to your sincere apology
8. State What You are Doing to Change: This is probably one of the most missed steps in an apology and one of the most important steps in completing an apology. After you say “I’m sorry” follow up with a sentence about what you are doing to change. Stating what you are doing to change demonstrates what you are further taking responsibility to change and how you are going to change, allowing for personal accountability. The key of course is you need to follow through with what you said you were going to do or don’t bother with this last step.
9. Be ready that the other person may not be in a place to receive your apology.

Apologies are never fun nor are they meant to be, however, a well stated and meaningful apology with action steps on what will be done for the offence to never happen again allows an open space to hopefully find a place of repair in the broken relationship.

Many of these situations can create difficulties in maintaining relationships. If you or a loved one are dealing with offence, it might be time to investigate Couples Counselling Calgary and have a qualified counselling therapist support the relationship to find repair from any unfortunate ‘slaps.’