Blog

In the area of communication, how is your approach to starting up a difficult conversation. Author Jon Gottman, in his research, indicates that how communication between couples begin is quite often how the conversation will often end. In other words, if you approach your loved one in a calm way with a difficult topic the conversation has a better chance at ending calmly. On the other hand, if you begin a conversation like a bull in a china shop the conversation will inevitably end with a bunch of smashed china and hurtful feelings on both sides.

When starting up any conversation, it is recommended that speaking in kind and gentle tones will significantly add value to the conversation and not get the other person being talked to feel as defensive, especially if it’s an important topic needing to be discussed. Of course, utilizing other communication tools such as using “I” messaging will also significantly improve your chances of starting and ending a serious conversation on the right note. Remember, however, talking in a quiet and calm voice might be easier said than done if you are at the end or your relational rope with adrenaline pumping in your body. If not practiced before hand and with others in your life; it might be difficult to implement these communication skills in the moment.

If you are finding it difficult to have significant conversations with your spouse or even your children, then a professional counsellor can support you in working on skills in being able to communicate more effectively.  Even better yet, bring in your partner, or family member that you are having difficulty communicating to and begin to work alongside a therapist in order to work on your communication skills and find healthy positive resolution instead of offence and resentment towards each other.