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The Caring Power of COUCH TIME

If you live in Calgary NW, or surrounding area, chances are you have a couch or something to sit on in your living space. What you might not realize is that your couch has an amazing bonus feature the manufactures forgot to include in the instruction manual that you might not have realized can help you, your spouse, and your children from feeling anxious, feel more calm and cause you and your loved one to be more connected.

This missing bonus couch feature is simply called “couch time.” Couch time is an amazing and super simple way to increase communication, healthy boundaries, and decrease negative attention and anxiety either by yourself or with your loved one. The best part I like about couch time is that it only takes 10 minutes out of your day. No more, no Less. Just 10 minutes a day to improve the quality time of your relationships.

Here are the simple instructions, not included in your couch manual, in order to have an effective couch time.

1. Sit in the couch with your loved one for only 10 minutes a day.

Be aware that when starting this activity, it may feel like an eternity. However, in time, many couples express how couch time when done daily goes by super quickly and are often tempted to increase the time.

2. Discuss Your Day.

Couch time is a focused time on being intentional in increasing your communication with your spouse. There is nothing wrong with keeping it simple to start off with. Just begin discussing how your day went. It really is that simple, yet so profound the impact it will have on your relationship.

If you are single or a single parent this time can be used to either personally reflect on your day or talk with your child about there day.

3. Listen to Your Partner’s Day.

Now it’s time to share and let your loved one begin to share about there day. Couch time is all about learning to give and take with each other which we sometimes forget to do in the craziness of daily.

Make sure you are paying attention and looking in your partners eyes to know you are actively listening to there conversation.  No back talk, rolling of eyes, just active listening. If your not good at active listening, that’s okay, couch time is a great place to practice this important relational skill.

If you are a single, this is a great time to review your day in your mind and then begin to plan for upcoming events and personal goals. This is also a great time to intentionally breath and relax and de-stress your day.

If you are a single parent this is a great time to teach your child to learn to listen to your day. This will allow your child to develop great listening skills. Just remember to keep your conversation at a child like level and keep the adult topics of the day, or offences of the day to yourself.

4. Dealing with the Distractions.

There is no doubt if you are a married with children, your kids will more than likely immediately test your boundaries and buttons to see if Couch Time will really continue and to see if you are willing to keep up healthy boundaries between you and your partner. Don’t fall in the temptation to focus on your child when they come running to you during couch time (even though they were just fine before you started). They are just simply testing your boundaries to see if your really serious about prioritizing healthy boundaries between you and your partner and will feel more secure as you and your spouse prioritize time with each other.

As just mentioned, Couch time has also demonstrated that if a child is anxious, or not feeling secure, it will help to decrease anxiousness because the child is learning by you demonstrating regular couch time that you and your partner are able to spend healthy and quality time together.

If you’re a single parent with your child on couch time this is a great place to reassure them that you love them and allow them to feel secure and safe with you until couch time is over and they go out and continue to explore their world.

Make sure the phone, iPhone, computer, television, tablet and all distractions are either turned off or put away. Couch time is similar when watching something at the Crowfoot movie theatre and seeing the pre-movie advertising that states ”No one likes a Tommy texter.” 

5. Get up off of couch and carry on with your day.

When 10 minutes is up, times up and everyone can continue on with there day/evening and activities. Your starved for attention child’s needs can now be met, unless of course you discover they actually found something else to do.

Don’t be tempted to increase the time. If that’s you after a month of practicing couch time then it just means that it’s working.

Other more serious topics can be discussed when the kids are in bed which is not what couch time is designed for anyways.

Couch time is a fantastic opportunity to develop relationship with your partner, develop healthy boundaries and security with the entire family for only 10 minutes a day. Once practiced, it can become a regular and daily routine in your families life.