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I have personally been using Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott’s material for around 10 years when I do marriage counselling for those desiring to be married or are already married. The good news is I have persanlly observed ongoing thriving and successful marriages due to there fantastic content and approach to couples counselling. For relationships looking for family counselling Calgary; here is an article by them called “What To Do When Your Spouse’s Family Doesn’t Bond.” Just because your married and in love with each other doesn’t mean your partner’s family has accepted you into the family. Sadly, this can actually be super devastating for a relationship where one of the spouse’s are very close with there parents, leaving the other partner feeling very alone and left out. Let’s take a closer look on how to cultivate relationship with what you may be feeling are your Out Laws’, rather than your In-laws’  

“If you come from a family that is connected and has traditions, it can be tough to walk into a new family that doesn’t share this special bond. Marriage brings on both the better and the worse, and marrying into a family who doesn’t get along, or lacks a bond, may be a tough road you have to face together.

When you’ve had warm and wonderful memories growing up, it’s hard to accept that not all families are this way. And with the Holiday’s quickly approaching, it’ll likely bring out feelings of hurt more so than other times. This week, we want to share what you can do if your spouse’s family doesn’t bond. Let’s dive in.

INVEST IN YOUR IN-LAWS

One thing you can do that will go a long way is to invest in your spouse’s parents. Don’t expect the focus to be on you, ask them questions that are engaging and uplifting. For example, ask what their hobbies are and what they love to do. Perhaps you can schedule some special time with them to do something they enjoy.

Let your in-laws know you are interested in getting to know them better, and would like to create special memories with them. Do what you can to pull them out and build a bridge of connection. Once you have connected with your in-laws, you can slowly work on connecting the other family members as well.

MODEL HEALTHY FAMILY BEHAVIOR

You can become a transformational presence within your spouse’s family. This is especially important when the entire family has gathered together. Practice modeling the family behavior you experience with your family.

For instance, if your spouse’s family doesn’t have any holiday traditions, sharing some of your favorites with them might lighten any awkward or painful moments. Ask members of the family what they are interested in doing, and help create new traditions as well. Create a new opportunity for family bonding through these traditions.

The best thing to remember is that you are doing this because you love your spouse. You are honoring your spouse by valuing their family and not walking away from a difficult situation. Instead, walk into the situation and encourage healthy family roles and behavior.

FIND OUT WHAT MATTERS MOST

Given the speed of life, it can be hard to bond when everyone has different schedules and expectations. This can be especially true if there’s already existing friction within a family. With the help of your spouse, do some digging and find out what matters most. As we already learned, a good place to start is with your in-laws. Ask them what they would enjoy doing most with the entire family. Perhaps Sunday dinners? Or maybe attend a grandchild’s sporting game? Start small and invite the entire family along.

Eventually you will be able to branch out and learn what other members of the family enjoy, as well. With time, you’ll likely find a common denominator that you can all enjoy and bond over together. And by opening the doors to more family activities, you are providing an opportunity to grow as a family.

PUTTING IT TOGETHER

If you grew up with the experience of an unshakable family bond, marrying into a family who doesn’t bond or get along can be painful. With a little extra effort and time investing in your spouse’s family, and by being a healthy example and presence in their lives, you can model what a heartfelt family bond looks and feels like.

And remember, going the extra mile to work through this will mean a great deal to your spouse. It may take time, but will be worth it in the end!”

To read the full article click here.

In reflecting upon this article, I was thinking of a youth leader that influenced me as a teenager who always shared the mantra of “In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend.” Which family member on your partners side do you need to make a conscious choice to be a friend to?